C’est La Vie.
Once upon a time… There was low resolution digital photography. *pause for gasps*
I did a little spring cleaning tonight, packed stuff and threw out an obscene amount of things I wondered why I’ve kept all these years. Some passing the regrettable decade mark which puts me dangerously close to the profile of a hoarder.
ANYWAY, I found some pictures that made me smile. Being cancerian, reminiscing is something that I do very well. My short attention span led me to go through CDs of old pictures one by one, reliving memories of times I’ve forgotten.
That’s all, for now. Our early encounters with digitizing memories. This month is all about living a digital life and digitizing memories along the way. I’ve been buried underneath a lot of planning, writing, playing, recording and book-keeping. Can’t wait to blog about it officially. SOON!! Gotta get back to making it perfect now.
BEE-TEE-DOUBLE-YEW… It’s my beautiful Godma’s (Janne Lianto) birthday today.
No, this entry is not about my promiscuous heart. The same heart that falls in and out of love in mere seconds to weeks; depending on hotness and conversational skills girl of the hour (literally) possesses.
This is about the people I think of every single day. I am starting to miss home. Not so much Singapore but the people I’ve left behind. My nieces, my sisters and my friends. And I’m starting to suspect that I do have the tendency to miss home after all. Getting all depressed (kicking and wailing “I don’t wanna go home!!!”) whenever I fly home to Singapore isn’t ‘cos I don’t love the people who live there but ‘cos the country where I spent most of my life in suffocates me.
I wonder how my favourite niece is doing… I miss the way she used to call me EVERY single day just to brag about her achievement of the day. Our msn convos are painfully short ‘cos her tiny hands haven’t exactly mastered the skill of typing yet. I miss her chuckles and her clever retorts. I even miss the way she encourages me to bribe her with material things. My 7 year old niece is quite the material girl (the girl needs her very own Madonna CD collection soon). I mean, she actually wrote me a long list of things I she would like me to get her while I’m in China.
Thank God for friends who love me enough to plan trips to Beijing. My bestie is gonna be on China soil later this month! Woohoo. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll have time for us to do what we do best at smoking cafes. Get caffeinenated, smoke and make up silly tunes to go with the goofy things we say. I miss her SO SO MUCH. * sings and skips in my head* “My best friend is coming to Beijing! My best friend is coming to Beijing!”
October shall be the month when my other sweetheart, Eunice (also lovingly known as my baobei pututu) comes to the Jing. Probably the only friend I babytalk to. I do miss calling her randomly just to say “Baby, can I have some water?”
So there, home is where my heart is. The broken pieces left under pillows of lovers (whom I try to pretend don’t exist), don’t count.
THANK YOU GOD.
17 years later, the pain is still raw like a fresh wound from yesterday.
Today, I’m stopping my world, the way I always do on the day my world ended when her heart stopped beating. Right now, it’s raining exceptionally hard outside my window.
Every single year, the memory of that day replays in my mind. Things that were said, things that were done, people who were there, people who flew in. Every single detail.
The walk down that corridor in the hospital, the wailing I heard from the other end, the people who stood outside the ward, the last time I held her hand, the disbelief that she’s no longer breathing, the disappointment for not being able to sing her a song to make her better and the hatred for people who wouldn’t stop reminding me that she’s never coming home again and that she’s gone forever.
I miss you mommy. It only gets harder each year.
In loving memory of Juliana Lianto (1954 – 1992)
Family, family. They emerge when you least expect them to.
A family photo taken in the early 90s (big hair and even bigger shoulder pads) led to a neverending thread on Facebook with 90 comments (and counting) for the past 2 days. It should when the comments come from 4 continents. Godma thinks that our family should be given an award for being the most complete family on facebook. Hmmm.
Anyways, while I can understand most of what is written, it’s kinda odd to wanna add anything in bhs indo so I stick to the tongue I’m most comfortable with, good ol’ English.
It was the year when the entire extended family went to Pulau Putri for New Year’s. Charming little island with clear blue waters and an astounding view of corals by the pier. The same pier I fished my first puffer fish. That sense of joy in that singular moment is forever. The fishing, not the puffer fish.
That damn puffer fish faked his own death by bloating up hideously, scaring the crap out of my cousins and me that we promptly kicked him back into the sea. It was a nice gentle kick ‘cos once in the water, he swam off smugly.
Sighs… Good times.
Mom died the following March. So, there, the last time I was truly happy is now immortalized by the idiot of a photographer who decided to press the shutter when I relaxed for that ONE second after kneeling and smiling like an idiot for almost 30mins! *looks at picture again* Gawd, I looked horrendous!
Grand plans of a reunion are being discussed as I type. *wrinkles nose*
Let’s see how that one is gonna work out.
The other day while Stella was still here, I was on the phone with my uncle (Qiu-Qiu Antonius Lianto) and he told me that he’s really proud of me doing music on my own. He’s not the first in the family to tell me that but he’s always been one of those who’s been supportive of my singing. *beams*(My Lianto family has always been really big on karaoke. I think secretly, they all wanna be rockstars or the local Frank Sinatra.)
Qiu-Qiu would always ask me to sing and constantly show me off at family karaoke sessions. He’s also the first uncle whom I smoked and chatted with over a bottle of wine when I was barely legal to drink. That’s how cool he can get.
When I was little, I was never allowed to buy the things from the street vendors in JKT who knock on our car windows in the middle of a jam (and God knows that when one is in JKT, one spends most time in jams). No matter how much I wanted the stupid and sometimes pointless toys, a promise of a better toy from the mall would be bought in exchange for my peace for not having the ‘unsanitized’ products off the streets.
There was one really ugly rubber mask which I wanted SO badly but was of course flatly rejected by my aunts ‘cos they think it’s too ‘dirty’. My Qiu Qiu actually went out to get it and surprised me with it when I woke up the next morning. Bribery works with kids. (I’m actually using the same tricks on my nieces now. Heh.) With these big and little gestures, my Qiu-Qiu easily became my favourite uncle. The one I sing to, the one I call and text now that I’m all grown up.
When Stella was in town, she told me about how one day she and her parents were talking about me being gay, my Qiu-Qiu said he always had his suspicions (Like duh! I am screaming gay!!) but is happy as long as I’m happy. He’s always respected me that way. Maybe it’s ‘cos when I was 18 and smoking, I proudly told him that I’m already an adult and know what I’m doing. Heehee. As amused as he was, he accepted what I said graciously. Guess that stuck till now.
I don’t think or show my love for the family but when I do, I think it’s quite apparent.
I really should hunt for a clearer Lianto family photo.
There’s been much love. So yes, Iris has been a happy puppy, despite the PMS-ing. There’s been a good deal of getting sloshed due to overconsumption of alcohol, one of my greatest loves in life in the company of some very lovely people.
It was Vet’s Birthday last week so the ‘family’ went out for dinner, drinks and urm… drinks. (What happens in *censored* stays in *censored*.)
Real family – My favourite cousin, Stella was zipping in and out of Singapore making her bi-yearly trip to Singapore a very tedious one for both her and me ‘cos though she’s the jetsetting one, I’m the one who has to make sure she’s among good company. I love hanging out with this cousin of mine ‘cos we exchange family scandals/secrets with each other… That’s why we’re so tight. Among the many goodies she came bearing with, she shared with me an old family secret.
Apparently, my second Grandma (Maria Antonia) was engaged to a sailor when she was younger but he died at sea and never went back to her. After that, she never laid eyes on another man but married my grandfather after my first grandma died after giving birth to her youngest child. It’s kinda romantic isn’t it? Not the marrying my grandfather part but the part where she had a sailor boyfriend who died. Both my grandmothers were gorgeous, gorgeous women at their prime. Serious. I have photos to prove. First grandma looked like a movie star and second grandma was quite a stunner herself. They were sisters, real flesh-and-blood sisters.
I got curious about second grandma’s love story and started wondering how it was like to fall in love and to lose love that way in the late 1930s in Singkawang. I wonder what the name of that guy is, how he looked like, how they met, what kind of promises they shared and if they wrote letters to each other. I would love to steal a peek in those letters. All that wondering led to a song. I’ll post it up somewhere soon.
The week was also spent dutifully with a lot of music. A LOT of music. Watched, played, wrote and listened… I have new musical heroes whose immense talent is simply inspiring which will explain the late night fur elise on my keys. I revisited all those classical pieces I’ve commited to memory by watching my cousin, Tiwi play the piano. She was my first musical hero.
And… I’ve fallen in love.
With the pocket trumpet.